What is Gone, is Gone
by Bob Elder
Summary: When Tobias dies, will Rachel survive without him?


Author's Note: Yeah, Yeah, I know Rachel is half Jewish, but I've got a _little _bit of license here, don't I??? Okay I know I should probably wait till the end of the story to thank the people I need to, but I just couldn't wait, and I think that they deserve to be here with the _important_ Author's note. ;-) First off, thanks a whole bunch to Forlay. Through it all, she has been a great Beta Reader and friend. I don't know what I'd do without her. Thanks to DMP for never letting me settle for my second best, thanks to Kat, and Rhi, who took a good, long, look at it before it was done, and a great big shout out goes to Mousie for reading Chapters 7 and 8 for me, and soiling herself with this "Rachel/Tobias drivel". Thank you everybody. I hope you like it. 

** **

What is Gone, is Gone

By: Bob Elder

_Tomorrow comes to take me away_

_I wish that I, that I could stay_

_but girl you know I've got to go, oh_

_and Lord I wish it wasn't so_

_Save tonight_

_fight the break of dawn_

_Come tomorrow_

_Tomorrow I'll be gone_

Eagle Eye Cherry- "Save Tonight"

# Chapter 1

Rachel's fingers played over the tiny etchings in the surface of the ring. It was an almost unconscious reaction to her thoughts about Tobias. Her mind found the most inopportune times to think of him, but whenever it did, a smile came to her face. All it took was the simplest action that reminded her of his mannerisms and she felt her heart swelling with joy.

Her eyes shifted from the pulpit down to her hand where the small gold circlet rested. It wasn't solid gold, nor was it overly fancy. The etching splayed out and around its length, coagulating around a few well-placed diamonds. Well…Rachel was positive they weren't diamonds. They were cubic zirconias, but strangely, that didn't seem to matter. All that mattered was that it was from Tobias. 

She had no idea where he came up for the money for something like it. She knew it wasn't very expensive, but for a hawk that has no income, it probably amounted to a small fortune. She smiled to herself, the corners of her mouth twitching upwards ever so slightly. He had probably gotten Cassie or Jake to help him out with it. Those flowers had certainly been Cassie's idea. Who ever heard of daises for a weddi…she stopped herself.

No, no. It wasn't a wedding. She had to keep reminding herself of that. No. It wasn't a wedding, but how she wished it had been! She allowed the corners of her mouth a little more freedom as she remembered back to that day. 

It happened on one beautiful late afternoon. The sunlight had had a wonderfully orange hint to it as it streamed through the trees. She was standing there, in her long cream-colored dress. The soft velvety smooth fabric had felt really good against her skin in the breezy autumn air. The day had had that new "fall" smell upon it. Rachel took a deep breath, remembering every moment. It was so real. She could smell the traces of leaves and grass as she sat on the church pew.

Tobias stepped into the clearing, wearing an old blue blazer. How had he gotten that? In his right hand, he held the small black box. Rachel remembered how her eyes had widened in surprise as she first gazed down at the ring. It was more than she had expected. Much more. Thinking back, she wasn't _really_ sure what she had thought he service would entail. 

Her smiled faded a bit. Service. That's all it was. The closest name she could put to it was "Commitment Ceremony". There wasn't a priest, or a judge. No. Not a wedding. The circumstances weren't favorable to that; with what Tobias being what he was, and the war with the Yeerks for starters. Rachel was seventeen, and still would have needed her parents consent to marry. That was the only saddening part of the entire thing. She had wanted it to be official. She had wanted the great fanfare that comes as part of the wedding package, and then there were her parents. She had wanted it to be sanctioned by the state, under God.

Under God? Rachel hadn't ever thought about that before. What did it matter that they were not officially "Married" in the eyes of God? Was it such a big thing? They loved each other. Wasn't that enough? Perhaps, but those were thoughts for another time. She smiled as Tobias's words came back to her. "I love you. I love you more than anything else in the world. I pledge to keep you safe, to hold you, to love you, for as long as I live, and after."

He loved her. Loved her! The mere thought sent her heart soaring higher than she would have otherwise thought possible. No, it wasn't a wedding, but it was still as binding. In Rachel's mind, it was as though she and Tobias were held together now, and forever, with bonds just as tough as would have been bestowed by a priest. There would be nobody else for her, now, or ever. The simple finality of it all sent a pleasant chill up her spine.

She had to turn a laugh into a cough as she remembered Ax going after the celebratory cinnamon buns. Through some miracle, her friends had managed to get four whole boxes of buns out into the woods. How they had kept Ax away was still some sort of a mystery. Even while they were saying their "vows" the Andalite had been eyeing the folding table. Rachel still remembered how Jake had to put a hand on Ax's shoulder to keep him from digging in before they were finished speaking.

They all had gorged themselves with cinnamon buns. Somehow, probably Marco's fault, the solemn After Commitment Luncheon had turned into a food fight. Rachel could still pick out the faint stains on her dress. She smiled. Throughout all of her seventeen years on earth, she could truly look back on that day, as her happiest memory.

"Rachel?" a finger tapped her shoulder, bringing her out of the past.

"Hm?" She turned towards her mother "What is it?"

"Honey, its time to go." Her mother sounded hesitant

Rachel looked up, and sure enough, the priest had gone from the pulpit, and other people were up and gathering their things. "Yeah. Sorry Mom, I was thinking about something else. Sorry about that."

Her mother frowned as they stood. "Honey…Are you okay?" 

The Animorph smiled. "Mom, I could not be better if I tried."

** **

**Chapter 2**

** **

Rachel opened the door, and stepped out into the cold. The wind whipped around the corner of the church, bringing along with it more frigid air, and a hint of snow. She pulled her coat tightly around herself. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her gloves. They were thin leather, and didn't provide very much protection, but it was something. 

She looked longingly at the car parked a few spaces away from the door. It had been a mistake to let her mother drive. She glanced behind her, and could see her mom talking with a few people inside the small foyer. Mom always wanted to talk after they got out of church. Rachel sighed.

Any other day, it really wouldn't have mattered so much. She folded down the top of her glove to get a look at her watch. The meeting started in 20 minutes. Stamping her feet to keep her legs warm, Rachel scowled down at the pavement.

After a few more moments, her mother came out of the building. Wrapping her scarf around her neck she said "That was a nice service, wasn't Rach?"

"Oh…Yeah, it was." They started forward to the car. 

Her mother frowned again, and dug around for the car keys. "You know, you can always talk to me. About anything."

"Yeah. I know that mom." She tried to smile. 

Her mother nodded, and pulled out the keys. "Just making sure. I mean, I hardly see you anymore. When you're home you're locked up in your room, when you go out, when you tell me you go out, I don't know where you are…" She paused. "And there is the college thing." She opened the car door and got in, reaching over to unlock Rachel's side as well.

"Can we not start on that again, Mother?" Rachel used her most authorative tone. "Just because I've decided to take some time off from school, does not mean I won't ever be going to College."

"Yes, but I wish you would tell me _why_. I-" Rachel held up her hand to signal the end of the conversation. "Honey," her mother went on, "I'm aware that you're practically a "grown" woman, but I just want to _know_. Are you depressed? Or are you angry with me? Are you in Love?" her eyes dropped down to Rachel's gloved hand. "You still won't tell me who gave you that ring. I see you smiling to yourself sometimes…" She cocked her head to the side, studying her daughter's face. 

Rachel turned towards the window, and expelled the air from her lungs in one smooth breath, leaving a small portion of the window fogged up. It had been a mistake to refuse to talk about the ring. It only brought up more suspicion. She should have said that she bought it herself, or that it was a gift from Cassie. It was too late to go back on the story now.

"I'm fine Mom. Really, I am."

There was another frown. "If you say so. Just remember that I'm here, okay? I have some experience with…life." She didn't sound too convinced. Rachel didn't answer. There wasn't anything else to say.

Her mother started up the car. The heat came on, but it spewed cold air. Rachel looked at her breath as it crystallized before her. Should she tell her? Rachel hadn't really considered it before. If she said anything it would bring up questions about Tobias and where he was. What he was. She shook her head. No. She couldn't tell anybody.

She checked her watch again. Only ten minutes till she had to be at Marco's apartment. He had just turned 18 and, with his father's programming contracts, they had enough money to put him up in relative luxury, which gave Marco's dad and his wife some privacy. In any event, it was much easier to meet there, instead of Cassie's barn, which had become an expanded veterinary hospital. 

A few minutes later, they pulled into the driveway and she pushed her thoughts aside. Rachel got out of the car, and shut the door a bit to loudly, but she was in too much of a hurry to apologize. She still needed to change, morph and fly to Marco's and it looked like she was going to be late. She blew through the door, and went by Jordan and Sarah at an almost-run. 

She entered her room and she shut and locked the door behind her. Dropping her coat onto her bed, she pulled out an old pair of sweat pants, and an old sweater, plus the rattiest pair of running shoes she had. Jake had suggested, as it started getting colder, that they seriously look into getting warmer morphing suits. Because, if you think about it, however tight spandex is, it isn't very warm. The last thing anybody wanted was to survive the Yeerks only go die of hypothermia.

So, that's why Rachel was reaching under her bed for her wetsuit. Sure, it wasn't wet outside, but the principle worked the same way in water or air. It kept cold things out, and her body heat in. The hands and feet were still a worry, but if she was alive enough to worry about frostbite, she was alive enough to morph into something with fur.

After shucking off her church clothes, she put on the wetsuit. And, over that she put on her old clothes. For effect, she grabbed her headphones, and a pair of K-Mart sunglasses. After putting on her shoes, she headed downstairs, taking the steps two at a time. 

"Mom, I'm going out for a long run. I should be back in a couple hours."

Her mother looked up from the counter. "Okay. We might be out later, so take your keys."

"Fine." Rachel grabbed her set from the table as she went out the door.

It was cold out. Before her suit had enough time to collect heat, she could really feel the temperature outside, even through her sweats. As soon as she had run a respectable distance away from her home, she veered off into the line of trees next to the road. Moving quickly, she wrapped her sweats around her headphones, glasses, and her keys. Very carefully, she removed her ring, and put it in a small niche between her keys and headphones. 

She hated to leave it anywhere. She hated to let it out of her sight, or be separated from it for an instant, but she needed to morph, and sadly, gold wasn't part of her DNA. After stuffing the whole package carefully under a bush, she began to morph as fast as she could.

# Chapter 3

** **

****Rachel found Marco's apartment easily; in fact, it wasn't very far from where he used to live. His "humble abode" was on the third floor, so instead of climbing the stairs, or taking the elevator, she just flew up to the window. Looking through the frosty glass, she saw that Jake, Cassie and Tobias were already there. Hey guys. Its cold out her, let me in! 

Marco said something, got up, and crossed the room. As the window opened she felt a blast of warm air. The heat just made the air on her other side colder, and she shivered. "Yo Rach," Marco started, "We were wondering when you'd-" she didn't let him finish. She pushed her way into the warm apartment, landed, and as she was morphing she said Sorry about that, but it's cold out there. 

Marco laughed "No, problem." He shut the window. "It was wrong of me to sit around talking while your cute little bird tail was freezing."

"Ha. Oh, Ha. You know, that wasn't very funny, are you sure you're not losing your touch?" The now human Rachel smiled, and sat herself down on the chair that Tobias was perched on.

"Are you implying that I _was_ funny at one point?"

"Of course not." 

"Okay, just making sure."

Tobias laughed Some things just never change. He hoped down from the back of the chair to the arm, and nuzzled up against Rachel's shoulder. 

Jake stood up and made a little motion toward the kitchen. "Marco, do you have anything to eat around here? We can have some refreshments while we're waiting for Ax." 

"Of course, Fearless Leader. Do you think I would entertain guests without suitable snack food?" Marco made for the kitchen with Jake hot on his trail.

Rachel absently reached up, running her hand along Tobias's side. Oh, she wished he were human. It was always semi-awkward when he was hawk. They couldn't greet each other like "normal" couples, with a kiss or a hug. She sighed, pushing those thoughts away. Turning to Cassie she said, "Ax is coming here? Alone?"

The other girl nodded "Yes."

I wanted to come with him, but he made me promise that I wouldn't. He was determined to get here on his own. 

Just then, Marco poked his head in from the kitchen. "We have 3 kinds of chips and 4 kinds of dips and various kinds of sodas. What'll it be?" He smiled "Sorry, Tobias, I'm fresh out of mice."

Oh darn. Tobias's voice was dripping with sarcasm I was so hoping to have a nice plump rodent with a little spot of tea. 

"I'll eat whatever you set in front of me."

"I don't want anything. I'm sort of on a diet." If it was possible, Cassie almost blushed. 

Rachel raised an eyebrow but Cassie just shrugged and looked uncomfortable. 

"Fine then." He said and disappeared back into the kitchen.

"Now," Rachel said, "Why is Ax coming alone again?"

"Well…" Cassie sighed, chewing on her bottom lip. "I imagine that he feels almost left out. I mean, he has spent a long time on earth, and he hasn't_ really _walked anywhere in public alone." She shrugged "Maybe he feels kind of 'mothered' by us. After all, he is an _arisith_." Rachel nodded. That did make sense. He could be wanting to test out his human abilities. As Cassie said, he has been on Earth a long time. As long as he didn't get into any trouble, it should be all right. Almost as if their conversation had summoned him, the doorbell rang. "Speak of the devil…" 

On his way to the door, Marco dropped off three bowls of chips, and as promised four different dips. As the door opened, Ax smiled. "Greetings. Hi. Hello. Yo. Guten Tag. Hola. Greetings! Eatings? Ings!" He smile grew wider as he took something out of the green box he was holding. Marco leaned out into the hallway, looked left and right, took him by the arm, and pulled him inside. 

"Can you chill out, please?"

"Chill? Chill? Yes. I shall Chill!" He plopped down on the sofa next to Cassie. Crossing his legs, he draped his arm over the back of the couch. "See? I'm chilling. I am cool. I am cold. I am below freezing!" 

Now that he was inside, Rachel could tell that his face, almost all the way up to his hair, was smeared with chocolate. "Oh," she said. "Looks like somebody has a major sugar rush."

Cassie giggled as Marco tried to get the green box away from Ax. "What is that?"

"This? This? They are cookies! Mint! Minty Cookies!"

Marco sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Where did you get those cookies Ax?"

"Some little human asked me if I wanted them." He smiled.

"So you just took them?"

The Andalite nodded. "Yes. She held them out and said 'Would you like some cookies?' and I said 'Yes. I would.' I took them, and continued on my way. She was a very nice little human."

After a brief struggle, Marco wrenched the box from Ax's hands. Peering down at it, he read the label."Girl Scout Cookies? You stole a box of Girl Scout Cookies?"

"Steal?" Ax looked up with big round eyes. "I did not steal. She asked if I wanted them."

Yeah. Tobias said, but you're supposed to pay for them 

Jake appeared with the drinks."What's all the commotion in here?"

"Not much Fearless Leader. Ax just showed up." Marco held out the box. "And he was kind enough to bring some food along with him. There isn't much left, 'cause he got hungry." Marco winked and dumped the three remaining cookies onto the table near the chips.

Jake looked skeptical. "Uh-Huh. Yeah." He took a second to put the drinks down on the table, and open his can of root beer. After taking a sip, he sat down on the other side of Cassie. "Now that we are all here," he shot a measured glance at Ax, "we can start." 

Jake sat forward, and pushed the bowls of chips off to the left. Reaching into his pocket, he withdrew a piece of paper. "I got this from Erek." He unfolded the paper, and placed it out on the table. Rachel leaned forward to grab her soda, and to get a better look.

Is that a map? 

Jake looked up and nodded. "Yep. It is." 

"Wow." Marco said. "Does this mean we're going to have some actual intelligence information?"

Ax looked longingly at the food on the table, but said, "We are limited in the intelligence department. Depart. Leave. Ment. Mint?"

Marco's jaw dropped down. "Ax? Was that a joke?"

Cassie started to laugh. "I think it was."

"It was even sort of funny." Jake smiled

Ax looked confused. "Was that human humor?"

"Well," Rachel said, taking a sip of her soda, "Yes. That could be classified as funny. It's certainly better then anything Marco has said in awhile."

The Andalite just looked more confused, and Cassie patted him on the knee. "Think about it for a second, and maybe you'll understand it."

"_Anyway_, back to the map." Jake pointed to a small cluster of buildings in the middle of what looked to be the forest. This, from what we know, is a new supply depot.

Ax was staring out at the air, murmuring to himself. Rachel could only pick up some of it. "Intelligence…short on…intelligence." He frowned. 

She forced herself to stop grinning, and turned her ears back on what Jake was saying. "…For the time being, it will only function as a storage facility for the pool, and the place where new troops and weapons are dropped off. But, from what the Chee have been able to tell, they think that if this is allowed to expand, it could eventually become one of the Yeerk's greatest transport hubs on the surface. Not that they have many…but I think that we should hit it now, before it becomes too big of a target for us."

I think it's already too big a target for us. Rachel smiled. Tobias the pessimist. He wouldn't say it to anybody else. That would have hurt morale. It was just between the two of them. They told each other everything. She gave him the slightest nod, to indicate her agreement. From what she could see on the map, the group of buildings appeared to be very well guarded. 

Several known entrances to the pool were marked in red. They seemed to form a loose circle around the compound. Rachel was looking at the map upside down, but she thought she could read a note written on the side, talking about the defensive shielding. Tobias was right. It did look to be a hard target to hit.

Jake tapped one of the buildings. "…If we can get to this one, we can blow up the entire thing. This warehouse supposedly holds their weapons. All we do is set one of the larger dracon cannons to overload, and it should ignite the rest. Sending the supplies, and a few Yeerks, straight to hell." 

Ax suddenly cried out. "I get it!" he started talking faster "Intelligence could mean information, but intelligence also means brain power. Smarts. Therefore the statement 'We are always short on intelligence' can be taken to mean that we are all stupid. I understand! I have mastered the concept!"

Marco smiled. "Good for you Ax!"

"So," Jake said, ignoring those two. "Do we do it?"

Cassie nodded. "We shouldn't let it get to big. If its quick in and out, we can get it done."

"Yeah." Rachel took a sip of her soda, and grabbed a few chips. "In and out, and we're finished."

"Okay, then. Tomorrow night sound good?"

"Oh, Jake!" Marco complained, "It's the weekend! Why do we have to do this kind of stuff when we're supposed to be having fun!" He grinned. 

"Ah, shut up." Jake threw a few chips at him. 

Some things never change, right Rach? 

"Some things just don't change." she agreed.

# Chapter 4

Rachel twisted the ring around on her finger. The metal was still cold from its stay on the ground, and it was almost unbearable against her bare skin, but she wouldn't take it off. She wouldn't separate herself from it again. At least, not until she absolutely had to. It was too precious to her. It probably would have been best not to wear it all, but she just…couldn't.

With a slight shiver, she inserted her key into the lock. A warm blast escaped from her house as she pushed the door open. The mixture of cold and warm air irritated her throat as she took one last breath outside. Even with the cold it was a beautiful day. For a brief moment she regretted that she didn't go for that run she had used as her cover story. It would have been pleasant on a day like this.

The Animorph sighed and stepped through the threshold. The car wasn't in the driveway and the door was locked, so it was a safe bet that her family had gone out like they had planned, but just to be sure, Rachel called out. "Mom? Jordan? You here?" She paused, waiting for a response. Nothing. That was a relief. It might sound bad, but she was just not up to dealing with her family at the moment. 

Rachel kicked off her shoes, leaving them next to the door. She almost ran up the steps in her haste to rid herself of the wetsuit. It provided excellent protection from the cold, but it was bulky, especially under regular clothes. When she got to her room, she pulled out an oversized sweatshirt and jeans. She still had the rest of the day free. What to do? She peeled the wetsuit off of her and threw on her other clothes. 

Could she invite Tobias over? It had been a while since they had spent any time together. She smiled. Perhaps, but her family might be home soon, and she didn't want to take any chances and give her mother any more reason to worry, or any more ammo. Things had been a bit tense lately, in both aspects of Rachel's life. Her daytime normal routine was suffering because of all the homework involved. Even though she wasn't planning to go to college immediately, that didn't mean she was going to close off that option forever. And her secret superhero nightlife? Well, it was only a miracle that everything had worked out as well as it had. The only thing that made it bearable was Tobias. 

His constant support and affection was like a lifeline. When she felt insanity tugging at the ragged edges of her mind, she only had to turn to him, and everything seemed to be better. The problems seemed somehow…less when she was with him. It made her love him even more. Even the strongest people need their support structures.

As Rachel was headed back downstairs, she paused. What was the date today? She ticked off the past few days since Friday. Next weekend was Christmas. Saturday was the twenty-fifth! She hadn't realized it was so close! Rachel continued down the stairs, chewing on her bottom lip. What was she going to get Tobias? It had to be something good. It _had_ to be. 

She let out a large exploding laugh as she pictured herself wearing a small black negligee. Tobias would really like that! She grinned. No, it should be something else. Something he can have, and keep with him. A photo of her in the negligee? With another laugh, she scolded herself out loud. "Get your mind where it belongs!" she smiled and shook her head.

Turning her thoughts back to the initial question, Rachel moved into the living room. The gift didn't need to be fancy; hawks don't need pomp and puff. Hawks really don't need anything in a material sense, but she could not let Christmas slip by without giving him something. Something good. She sat down, folding one of her legs underneath her. 

What to get? She picked up the remote control, and turned on the TV. What to get? She flipped through the channels, not really paying attention. What to get? "Hm…Ah!" Her face lit up, as the idea came to her. "That's perfect!" Rachel almost squealed with excitement. "He'll love that!" She was just about to sit back, and watch the TV in earnest, when the doorbell rang.

Standing up, she looked out through the window. "Speak of the Devil!" When Rachel opened the door, she flung her arms around him, kissing him warmly. "Hey," Tobias said as she pulled back. "To what do I owe that warm welcome?"

"Nothing special. Just being yourself." She kissed him again. 

"Well, in that case, I think that I should become human more often."

She laughed, "You know it!"

"I was thinking that we haven't been spending enough time together." He glanced at the house "Anybody around?" He was aware of the flack that she had been getting from her mother. 

"Actually, they went out. I'd invite you in, but I don't know when they'll be back."

"I understand." Tobias turned to look behind him, "Want to go for a walk? Its kinda cold, but I need to stretch my legs more often then I do."

"Sure! Let me grab my coat, okay?"

"Don't take too long, I only got a couple hours." He winked.

Tobias had meant it in a lighthearted way, but it hit Rachel hard, mainly because it was true. He really only did have a couple of hours. She steeled herself. Yes, only two hours, but she would be damned if she didn't make them count. "I'll be back in a second." Turning around, she jogged back into the warm house, and opened the closet door. Pulling out her coat, and a red beret, she ran back out to Tobias, shutting the door shut with a loud bang. "A'right! Lets get going." She hooked her arm around his, and they made their way down the street.

# Chapter 5

Hey? You ready Rach? 

She blinked, and looked up. "Tobias?"

Who else would it be? I'm here to escort you to the 'party'. 

"So soon? Fine. Just let me get ready." Rachel rolled herself off the bed, pushing away the pile of work in front of her.Tiptoeing over to the door, she shut it as quietly as possible. Now was not the time to attract parental attention. Nosy questions would not be welcome as they were about to go out. Especially if they were going out fight evil parasite invaders. She paused as she was digging under her bed to push a wrapped bundle back further. It wouldn't be good to have Tobias see it. 

After donning her wetsuit, she scribbled a note on a stray pad of paper and dropped it onto her pile of work. It was little more then a slight contingency. If her mother noticed that she wasn't here, and nobody saw her go, a note explaining how she went for a walk wouldn't really help all that much. Things had hurtled past the "Blind Trust" stage, and have slammed on the breaks around the "Shifty eyed - check the door - look behind you - paranoid" stage. 

Rachel took a look back to the door, and moved over to the window. She opened it wide, and Tobias edged over to give her enough room to get out. When she was fully eagle she said, Okay, lets get out of here. 

Surely. He launched himself off the windowsill and Rachel fell out into the sky after him. Together they winged their way to Cassie's. It was the assigned rendezvous point, mainly because it was the closest and "safest" location to the target. As the lights of the veterinary clinic came into view, Rachel could see the others waiting perched on the rooftop of Cassie's house.

Here they are, Cassie was saying. And just about on time too. 

Yeah, Marco piped in I got here early. 

Excellent, Marco. Rachel said Although, I was actually doing my homework instead of waiting for the magical elves appear and do it for me. 

This is all very good, Jake's voice was crisp and clear but lets get going now? We have a schedule to keep. 

Marco stretched his wings Absolutely Fearless Leader! No time for dilly-dallying! . 

Dilly-Dallying? Rachel laughed I have never _actually_ heard that expression used before! 

Marco chuckled to himself as they all took off from the rooftop. The night air was cold, but the bird's body was expending so much energy against the dead air, it really didn't seem to be that cold. As the green blanket of the forest spread before them, the glaring lights of the supply depot illuminated it with stunning clarity. After a quick review of the plan, Jake and Cassie, Marco and Ax, and Rachel and Tobias separated, diving down below the tree line. 

When Rachel landed, she demorphed keeping herself as low as she could, willing all unwanted attention away. As her form became more human, Tobias fluttered down beside her. He looked over with those golden eyes, and he seemed to smile.The raptor face made it impossible to smile physically, but somehow he managed to convey the same message. 

Rachel shivered and pulled Tobias closer.Bringing her face close to his beak she said quietly, "Now, you listen to me. I want you to go in. Come out, and don't die. You got that?" She tried to cover up the quiver in her voice and she wasn't sure if it was working.  
He nodded, or at least, he tried to. In. Out. No Dying. I think I can remember that.   
"See that you do." She tried to smile. A human wouldn't have been able to see the drooping corners of her mouth in the dim light, but Tobias could see it plainly.   
You be careful too. I love you.   
"I love you." She planted a kiss on the tip of his beak, and pulled her arms away, tucking them underneath her. She really did not want him to go. But she was sure that he didn't want her to be here either. With only a quick look back, Tobias launched himself into the air. Rachel shivered again. Whoever came up with this part of the damn plan was a freaking nutcase. Completely Freaking Psycho.   
She sighed. A bear would be slightly noticeable standing out here in the woods. She'd give the plan that much. But lying flat on the cold, cold December ground was not what she had signed on for. If she had in fact officially "Signed On" for anything. She tried to keep her teeth from chattering too badly.The wet suit was doing its job as well as possible, but her hands, feet, and face were freezing. Maybe her assessment about the new morphing suits wasn't that accurate after all.  
Rachel looked up at the lights from the supply depot. She was far enough out to not worry about discovery by anything but a horrible twist of fate, but she was close enough to make it to the buildings in a little under a minute at full "bear" run. In her mind, she could picture Jake and Cassie waiting off to the left somewhere. What were they doing to keep warm? Rachel chuckled softly and thought, _where_ has your mind been going lately??  
Marco and Ax were probably out there joking around. Ax still didn't have such a complete grasp on humor, but Marco was determined to teach the Alien as much as he possibly could. Just one more life ruined by Marco's horrible, horrible jokes.  
She twisted around to look up at the sky, scanning for Tobias's familiar shape against the darkness. She couldn't see him, but she knew he was there. Ready to swoop down and draw fire. She shivered, but not from the cold. He was the most experienced flyer, and it made sense for him to be the "Air Support", but that didn't mean that she had to like it.   
When the signal came from Jake, she started to morph. As the bear's fur started to grow, she became warmer, and forgot all about the cold. As its mind merged with hers, she felt is power. She would charge down there, kill some Yeerks and be home in time for desert. Not a problem. The bravado didn't help her feel much better. She knew that Tobias was out there, and she was more afraid for him then for herself.   
Just then, the piercing scream of a hawk cut through the silence. Tobias dove out of the clouds, heading for the closest controller in the open. The hapless woman had just stepped out of one of the buildings. Looking up, she cried out just before Tobias took her eyes. He flared his wings as Ax and Marco broke through the main gate.   
Klaxons blared as Rachel charged. It took a lot for her not to roar as she ran forward. Stealth, be stealthy, she thought. Tobias weaved back and forth, dodging the sporadic lances of red light. Marco and Ax were taking down controllers as they milled about. There was mass confusion as the three Animorphs ran back and forth through the compound. That's when the automated defense systems started to kick in, and Hork-Bajir started pouring out of one of the buildings.  
Rachel reached the back end of the weapons shed right after Jake and Cassie. Hey! She shouted, Lets do this!   
After you, Rach! Cassie said, indicating to the door.   
Of course! Rachel threw her bear body up against the door, smashing it into splinters. Momentum carried her into the dark room. Jake and Cassie bounded in after her and Jake started to demorph as Cassie ran up to the front entrance, calling out We're in position, it will be another few moments! Rachel let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding as she heard Tobias's response. Fine guys, but make it quick, things are getting kind of rough out here!   
Jake moved over to a large and funny looking dracon cannon. With a few precise movements he had the outer casing off and was talking himself through it. "Okay, from Ax's briefing, all I have to do is cross this…and this…and…Quick! We need something to wedge against the firing mechanism!"  
Like what? There isn't anything here! Cassie looked back and forth, still trying to watch the door.  
Rachel picked up one of the wooden crates leaning up against the wall. With a loud crunch, she brought her bear paw down on the wood, breaking the boards apart. One of these pieces should to it!   
Jake reached over and took one, wedging up against the fire control. The cannon hummed as power started to build. "Okay guys. Lets get outa here!" he started to morph as he headed for the door.   
We're done. Clear the area! Rachel called. She didn't wait for a response as the three saboteurs ran from the shed. Rachel's bear limbs pumped, sending her motoring forward. She moved as fast as she possibly could. A few more seconds passed; then a great explosion rocked the ground and a flare of light plumed behind them, heating up the darkness. 

# Chapter 6

** **

Rachel screamed as something hard and sharp slammed into her back. Her legs flew out from under her, and she pitched forward, shoulders digging into the cold ground. It hurt! Rachel cried out again, paws trying to reach behind her. What was it? Ahhhh! 

Through the murky bear vision, she could see Jake and Cassie skidding to a stop as they turned to come back for her. A wave of white-hot pain hit washed over her and Rachel blacked out. Jake, it's gone clear through her! Cassie started to demorph. 

I can see, Cassie! Jake snapped. His words were harsher then he had intended, but stress was taking its toll. That cannon shouldn't have gone off so soon, he thought, it should have had a "timer" of at least two minutes! 

He came to a stop beside Rachel's bear body. The large two-by-four wood shard had impaled his cousin at a 45 degree angle. Why had it gone off so soon? They should have been able to get away!They should have been able to get away. What about the others? Jake whirled in the direction of the blast. Where are they?

Jake! Give me a hand here! 

Jake looked back over his shoulder, and saw that Cassie had morphed to her elephant. She curled her trunk around the large chunk of wood. Come on Jake, I need you! He moved forward. Cassie needed him now. Rachel needed him now. The others would have to wait. 

What do I have to do? 

Stand on her! 

What? 

Just do it! 

He lifted up his large paws, and placed them on Rachel's shoulders. Okay. 

Cassie started to pull with her massive trunk. The extra pain caused Rachel to come to. Ahhhhh! The huge splinter slid upwards, revealing the redness of Rachel's blood. As the wood came out, Jake felt the bear's body convulse under his paws. The point of the splinter emerged, showing a little dirt from where the tip had dug into the ground. Cassie tossed it over her shoulder. 

Rachel! Demorph! 

In a panic, she started to struggle. I can't feel my legs! 

Jake struggled to keep her still. Demorph now, talk later! He made his voice sound hard. She needed to get back into her own form to repair the damage. And so much damage there was! Blood spurted from the gaping hole in her back. Morph, Jake willed as he backed off.

The bear started to change, and the wound started to close. She pushed herself up and around on her almost human hands. Rachel pressed her hand to her back, where the large hole had been, and she moved her legs. With a sigh of relief she looked up at the elephant and said, "What hit me?"

That. Cassie shot a look back at the long piece of wood. 

"Ah. That's why it hurt so much." Rachel tried to keep her face a mask. She shivered, but not from the cold. 

Okay, we need to get out of here, the Yeerks will be here any moment to find out what happened. We've got to get the others and get out of here. 

Rachel stood, bracing herself against Cassie's large gray leg. Yes. The others. Tobias. "We need to find them."

They could be scattered anywhere. Cassie looked back at the way they had come. 

Or they could be dead 

Rachel glared at Jake. "Don't say that. Don't _ever_ say that! They are fine. _All _of them!" 

I'm so glad to hear you care so much about me. The three Animorphs whirled around as Marco's gorilla body stumbled forward. Cassie took a few gigantic steps towards him, wrapping him up in her trunk, with Jake bounding after her. 

You're all right! 

Where is Ax? 

I am here Prince Jake. 

Rachel turned as Ax moved in to the little clearing. He seemed to be favoring one leg, and one of his arms hung down by his side.Tobias? Where was Tobias? She looked up to the sky. Was he flying up there? Where was he? She moved forward closer to Ax. "Where is Tobias? Is he here?" Ax didn't answer.

Rachel looked to Marco, but the Andalite stepped forward, taking her hand with his good arm. Rachel…. he stopped. 

"What? Where is he?" Tears glistened behind her eyes as she waited in fear of the answer. 

He…my…my…nephew…is gone. He…got caught in the blast. We tried to save him but… 

Rachel blinked. Gone? No. No. Tobias isn't gone. He isn't gone. She blinked again. "Gone?"

Gone. 

"He's….?" she made a wistful motion with her hand

Ax looked over at the others for help, his four eyes pleading with them to say something, but before any of them could speak, Rachel's knees gave way, and Ax staggered as she fell against him. 

# Chapter 7

** **

Rachel gasped and pushed herself up. Light splashed through the window of her room, projecting a few blotches of yellow onto the brown carpet. How did she get here? What happened? Memories of last night flooded back to her, and Rachel felt a vast well of something, threaten to swallow her whole. 

Was Tobias gone? Dead? Where was he now? The others? Rachel's eyes shifted down to her hand. Where was the ring? Did she take it with her last night? Her hand reached out to the nightstand beside her bed. Where was her ring? No! It couldn't be lost! No! Where is it? Tobias will be upset that she lost it! Rachel pushed aside an old can of soda, reveling the gold.

It sparkled in the sunlight as she placed it on her finger. What would have happened if it was gone? Like Tobias. Gone. Was he gone? It was hard to remember. She felt tears starting to settle in the corners of her eyes, and she clasped her hand to her chest. Where was Tobias? He can't be dead. He can't be gone. Small droplets of salty water started to make their way down her cheeks. 

Truly gone? Rachel swung herself around. How had she gotten back here?Moving over to the window, she tried to remember. The last thing that came to mind was…Tobias. Rachel's eyelids slipped closed. Was he really caught in the explosion? 

It seemed so unreal. She expected him to be flying up over anytime. They hadn't been spending enough time together. Something they needed to fix. "Married" couples don't spend so much time apart. She should be spending this time with him.

Rachel opened her eyes, and reached out for her phone. Cassie would know what had happened. If Tobias was really dead. Her hand paused, hovering over the phone. Was he? Did she really want to know? What would she do without him? Oh, God, what would she do without him! 

Fingers tightening around the plastic, she picked up the receiver. After dialing the number she waited in agony as the phone rang, until a tired voice answered. "Hello?"

"Cassie, its me."

"Rach! God, are you all right?"

"Where is Tobias?"

There was a long pause. "Don't you remember?"

Rachel bit her lower lip. "Is he…?"

Another pause. "Yes."

No. Not true. No. Yes. No. Yes. "NO! You liar!" She flung down the phone, and jumped backwards. He wasn't dead! He couldn't be! She slumped back against the wall. He wasn't. Was he? She needed to talk to somebody. Anybody.Maybe she should go see Tobias. No, he was dead. Gone.

Rachel turned as there came a knock at her door. "Honey are you okay? I heard you yell."

"I'm fine Mom." It was the standard response. She wasn't fine

"Are you sure?" 

No. "Yes." 

"Okay then. I won't intrude in your…personal…business." and then the voice from the hallway was silent. Rachel took a few deep breaths. Calm. She needed to be calm. Tobias _was_ gone! He _was_ dead! Rachel started to sob. How could this happen? Rachel pressed the back of her hands against her eyes. Don't cry. Don't cry she told herself. What was he anyway? Just some stupid bird!

She immediately was sorry for thinking that. He wasn't a stupid bird. She loved him. He had loved her. The Yeerks had killed him. They took him from her. Rachel's mouth formed into a sneer. They had killed him. They had killed him. They had killed him, and now, they were going to pay for it. She didn't know how. But they were going to pay. Taking a few steps forward, she started pulling on her outer clothing. 

# Chapter 8

** **

Rachel took the stairs slowly. The Yeerks had killed him. Tobias was dead. They had taken away what she had loved. Perhaps it was not them directly, no. Jake had set the cannon to explode. She sneered. But the Yeerks were the ones truly responsible. They had trapped him as a hawk to begin with. Without them, Tobias could have been with her always. Now he was gone. Dead and Gone.

She turned towards the kitchen when she hit the last step. Where to start? Who to talk to first? Who to kill first? Would the Chee help? No, probably not. They aren't killers. They were the opposite of the Yeerks. The Yeerks were killers. "Rachel? Are you sure you're okay?" Yeerks were everywhere. Killers were everywhere. "Honey?" Her mother reached out, touching Rachel's shoulder. 

The Animorph spun, pushing her mother up against the wall. "What is it, Yeerk? Is that what you are?" Her mother blinked and started to struggle. "Rachel, you're hurting me! Stop it!"

Rachel's voice dropped to a whisper, and she leaned close to her mother's ear. "You aren't my mother. You are a Yeerk. You killed him." She slammed the older woman against the wall and let go, moving to the back door. She didn't even take her coat from the hook. Rachel didn't feel the cold air. She was cold, through and through. It felt as though the last ember of warmth that she had held on to was dead. Nothing left to live for. Nothing left to do. 

She twisted her ring around her finger as her eyes concentrated on the white concrete below her. Where to start?As she came upon the main part of town, she found herself walking among the various stores. People walked past her, carrying all sorts of bags and bundles, getting ready for Christmas. Rachel watched them with a cold eye. Yeerks. They were mostly Yeerks. She knew they were. 

A woman was holding her child's hand as they skipped along in the chill wintry air. They're so happy, Rachel thought, but they're Yeerks. She sneered at them, hatred burning in her eyes. She started to walk faster. That is when she saw Chapmen. He turned out of the store, trailing his daughter Melissa.

It gave Rachel the idea she needed. She would start with the sharing. They were human controllers. She could take them all by herself. Yes, she could. Rachel smirked. She would get them. Realizing that Chapmen was moving down the street toward her, she ducked into the closest store. Bells chimed as the door opened, and Rachel sighed as the warm air engulfed her. 

"Anything I can help you with, miss?"

Rachel turned to the old man behind the counter. He was a Yeerk for sure. "No. I'm just looking."

"Fine then, holler if you need anything." He smiled and looked down to the magazine he was reading. That's when Rachel's eyes scanned the store. It was a sporting goods place. What a store to duck into, she thought. I'm not sporty. I'm the pretty one. I'm the popular one. I'm the cold hearted killer. 

She moved forward away from the door. It wouldn't do any good to have Chapmen see her after she'd ducked to safety. The Animorph walked through the bike aisle, and the golf aisle, and the baseball aisle. When she hit the back of the store, she saw something that made her smile for the first time that day. 

In a glass case pushed up against a camping display, were knives. Yes! That's how she would do it. She'd make them suffer. Her fingertips trailed lovingly across the top of the glass. Oh yes. She would make them pay. Tears started to form behind her eyes. God, she would make them pay!

"Sure I can't help you with anything?" 

Rachel turned towards the old man. "Now that you mention it, I think I'd like one of these."

He frowned "I hope you don't mind me asking, but, what are you planning on doing with it?" His eyes searched hers. 

"I was planning on killing a few people." Rachel laughed. 

The storekeeper grinned. "Well as long as it isn't anything illegal." He took a ring of keys from his pocket and inserted them into the lock on the case. Opening the sliding door, he said "Which of them do you want?"

"That one." She pressed her finger against the glass, directly over a hunting knife with a 6 inch blade

"All right." The shopkeeper took it out, along with its matching case. Locking the knives up again, he started towards the front of the store with Rachel following close behind. Oh, how she would make those Yeerks pay. As he was squeezing himself behind the counter, he said. "What are you really going to do with it? Is it a gift for your boyfriend?"

Rachel paused. Tobias? No, he wouldn't like this. He was dead. She tried to smile. "I suppose that you could say that."

"Well, want it gift wrapped then?" The old man spun the knife's leather case around to scan the price tag on the back. 

"No."

"Okay, then it will be 45 dollars." The old man reached down under the counter to get a bag. 

Rachel suddenly realized that she didn't have any money with her. Her purse was at home. For a moment she blinked in confusion. What was she going to do? She wanted the knife. She needed the knife. Reaching across the counter, she picked up her "gift". It felt right in her hand, like it was molded just for her. Before the man could look up, she turned and started to run. She blew out of the store, pushing by people walking along the street. His shouts were drowned out as she lost herself among the crowd.

# Chapter 9

** **

"Yes. Yes. Yes. I know. Thank you." Cassie hung up the phone, frowned and picked it back up again. Dialing Jake's number, she waited for him to pick up. "Hello?"

"Hey Jake. I just got off the phone with Rachel's mom."

Jake's voice got softer. "What happened?"

"I don't know." Cassie sighed "First Rachel called here all upset, and just after I decided to head over there, her Mom called crying about how her daughter is a drug addict!"

Jake paused " I knew we shouldn't have left her alone. It was bad thinking on my part. Somebody should have been there with her."

Cassie looked behind her, and whispered into the phone. "Her mom said that Rachel was babbling nonsense about something called "Yeerks" killing somebody."

Jake closed his eyes. "Okay. Is Rachel there now?"

"No. That's why her mom called. Rachel just walked out."

"We have _got_ to find her." Jake twisted the phone cord around his finger. What a stupid move. First you get Tobias killed, now Rachel is…well, I don't know what Rachel is! "Get Ax and meet us at Marco's. She wouldn't have exploded like that unless something is wrong."

"I know, Jake. I'm already thinking of places she could be."

"Good. I'll see you in a few."

***

As Rachel walked, she placed the knife into its sheath, and carefully tucked it into her pocket. What had she just done? Why had she just done it? She blinked. The man had been a Yeerk. Right? She wouldn't want to hurt or steal from innocent people. The Yeerks were not innocent. They were not. Had he been a Yeerk?

Rachel blinked and tried to clear her thoughts. What was she doing? Trying to take on the entire Yeerk invasion by herself? Was she insane? A small voice started to laugh. Yes, it cried, Yes! But, NO, She answered, I'm just trying to do what is right. The Yeerks need to be punished. It's their fault! It's their fault! 

She started to cry again. Tobias was gone, and for the first time, she felt like she could do nothing. As she came to an empty bench, Rachel sat down, her head sinking down into her hands. Tobias. Why did you leave me? Why did you let them get you. You said you wouldn't die! "You said so!" As she screamed, the few people that were passing in front of her jumped and shot her a few nervous glances. 

Rachel didn't care. Tobias was dead. They were Yeerks. Tobias was dead. Oh, God, he was dead! Her hand slipped into her pocket, tightening around the knife. She couldn't go on like this. She should end it. What is it like to die? Will I go to Heaven for the good I've done? Or will I go down to Hell for the lives I've taken? She pulled out the knife. 

No. A part of her screamed, "No". No. Not until you've made them pay. She pushed the blade back into its sheath. You can't go without hurting them first. You have to hurt them. Hurt them bad. Suddenly, there was a loud explosion. 

Rachel frowned as she turned to see what had made the sound. Far behind her, a large building was being demolished. The main portion of had already been dismantled, and the crew was working on removing the foundation. Rachel watched as a construction worker dropped something into a hole drilled into the concrete. For the second time that day, she smiled. 

Then men moved back behind a large wall. Once they were safely behind, another man wearing a bright orange jacket with the words "Demolitions" on it, turned a knob. The stuff that they had put in the small hole exploded, making a _much_ larger hole in the concrete. Excellent, Rachel thought. That is just what I need. Now…how to get it?

Rachel got up, and started moving towards the construction workers. I'll scare them away, she thought. Just a little bit of a morph in front of them, and they'll run screaming like babies. Unless they were Yeerks. If they were Yeerks…her hand went to the reassuring shape in her pocket, then I'll just have to deal with them. 

One of the construction guys saw her walking towards them. He tapped the demolition guy on the shoulder. After an animated conversation, the demolition guy got up, and started walking out to meet Rachel. "I'm sorry Miss, but you can't be here. This is a cleared blasting zone." 

Rachel shot a glance over her shoulder to see if anybody could see them from the street. Nobody was looking. Rachel leaned closer to the man. "Are you a Yeerk?"

The man's eyes went wide. "Andalite!"

Without any warning, Rachel brought her knife up, cutting into the man's stomach. His mouth worked soundlessly as his hands groped at the slash in his midsection. When his eyes had rolled up into his head, and he had slumped to the ground Rachel spat. "Filthy Slug." She looked up as she heard shouts coming from the other construction workers. 

Several of them were running towards her. They looked angry, which wasn't a surprised considering that she had just knifed their fellow worker to death. She wanted to tell them not to worry, that he was a Yeerk, but she was afraid that they wouldn't listen. So, she clawed the ring off of her finger, and she started to morph. 

"Ahhhh!"

# Chapter 10

A cold wind ripped through the street, and Cassie pulled her coat closer around her. It was so cold out here. She wrinkled her nose. Damn Rachel for dragging me out here! With a sigh, she scolded herself. That wasn't a nice thing to think. Rachel needed some help. Obviously she had become, overly distraught, after Tobias had….had…

Cassie blinked. Even she couldn't finish the thought. And if she was having such a hard time with it, Rachel must be a mess! She swallowed. I know that I'd be a mess if anything (God Forbid!) happened to Jake, she thought. Cassie rubbed her hands together. 

She walked along, brushing by a few people. Ax had set off to search the woods, Jake had taken the park and the area's around the homes, Marco was keeping a look out up in the air, and Cassie was checking out the main center of town. She blinked again, and tried to move past some people. How she would ever manage to find her friend in this crowd seemed incomprehensible. 

Once she had gotten into the thick of the crowd, she realized that they had all gathered to watch something. A police officer was up ahead trying to talk to the group. "Okay people. Please, please, stay back. We've got this all under control. There isn't anymore to see here. How about you just go home?"

Cassie felt a sick feeling well up in her stomach. This was Rachel. It had to be. Using her very un-Cassie-like qualities she pushed and jostled her way up to the front, where she could see what they were all looking at. Several policemen stood around, some taking photographs, others talking into their two way radios. Two ambulances had pulled up, and were loading black bags into the back. 

Oh, this is not good. Cassie tried to talk to the cop. "Hey, what happened here?"

"Nothing left to see here, keep moving."

"Hey," she tapped him on the shoulder "What happened?"

He turned his gaze towards her and he sighed in annoyance. "Look kid, go home."

"Please sir, did anybody see anything?"

The cop sighed again. "Nobody saw nuthin' but somebody got stabbed, and a few other people got torn apart. Is that good? Now, get out of here!" He gave her a light shove. Cassie thought about screaming police brutality, she was in just the mood to do it too, but she decided that it didn't really matter if the police officer pushed her. She had a lead. 

***

Rachel opened the back door of her home, and stepped inside. She held the knife out before her, ready to use. They were Yeerks. But they looked like her family; she really didn't want to kill her family. Tobias was her family. Now he was dead. Rachel bit her lower lip. 

I have to hurt them. Hurt them bad. Rachel patted the duffle bag over hung over he shoulder. Hurt them bad. She looked down at her wet suit. Her outer clothes had been torn when she had morphed. She smiled. Tobias always loved that black outfit she had. Maybe I'll wear that, so when I go to meet him, I'll be fashionable. The Animorph started to laugh as she climbed the stairs. 

The upstairs hall was empty, and Rachel tiptoed quietly inside her room. It didn't look like any of her family members were home. After carefully placing the duffle bag on her bed, she pulled out the outfit that Tobias had loved so much, and started to change.

How would she do it? Would she just walk in and press the button? No. She shook her head as she pulled on her shirt. No. They needed to know who it was. They needed to know why they had died. Rachel would take pleasure in their knowing. Seeing the look on their faces when they realize. Oh it will be wonderful!

She reached down, and on the floor of her closet, she picked up her old book bag. This way, she could carry the explosives on her back. Take out the Yeerks, and go to Tobias at the same time. She sat down on her bed. Tobias. Tears started to build up again. Tobias. 

Rachel carefully unzipped the duffel bag, placing the sticks of dynamite inside her backpack. She attached the wire to the ends of the explosives, and to the end of the detonator just like it had been before she packed them in the bag. All she had to do was turn that knob, and everything would be over. After attaching the detonator to her belt, she zipped up the pack, leaving only a little room for the wires. "All right." She said to no one. "Let's do it. Let's end it."

**Chapter 11**

** **

Jake moved up the stairs slowly. Was that Rachel he just heard? He could have sworn that he saw her come in here. He looked back behind him. If only we hadn't left her alone! If only the cannon hadn't exploded. The Animorph closed his eyes. Tobias had died in that explosion. An explosion_ I _caused, he thought. Can Rachel ever forgive me? Can I forgive myself?

The top stair creaked as he stepped on it. He jumped in surprise as he saw Rachel move out into the Hallway. He found her. He could help her now. "Rachel? I'm here. Its Jake." 

She stopped and looked up. "What are you doing here?"

"What are you?"

"I'm getting ready to see Tobias again."

Jake blinked. What was she saying? "Rachel?" his voice was guarded "What do you mean?"

"What do you think I mean?" She started to move forward, but Jake blocked her way. 

"Rachel, I can't let you do what I think you're going to. You're too important to us."

She cocked her head. "You can't let me?" Suddenly she reached out, grabbing his coat. Bringing Jake around in a circle, she slammed him against the wall, knife coming up to his throat. "You can't _let_ me? Its my life!" As she screamed, flecks of spittle flew onto Jake's face. 

Jake swallowed, trying to pull back from the blade of the knife. "Rachel, you don't want to do this."

"Don't I?" 

Jake swallowed again. My God, he thought, she is _insane_! "I can't tell you how sorry I am about Tobias. Its my fault he is dead." The pressure on the knife increased, and a few small droplets of red appeared under the blade.

"No it isn't Jake." She tried to smile as tears shimmered in her eyes. "Its my fault he is dead. I loved him too much." With startling swiftness, Rachel pulled back the knife, and brought her fist around, connecting with Jake's temple. His eyes rolled up into his head, and he slumped to the floor. "Sorry Jake." Rachel whispered, and she stepped over him, moving down the stairs.

***

Cassie opened the door. Looking left and right, she decided that it was safe to go in. Cassie bit her bottom lip. Where was Rachel? She hadn't heard from Marco or Ax or Jake. Things were starting to get serious. Rachel had been gone for a while, and had slipped up about the Yeerks to her mother. What if it got worse? What if she did something that got everybody killed?

She moved up the stairs slowly. It wasn't like her to enter a house, even her best friend's, without being invited. "Hello?" As she got to the top of the stairs, Cassie gasped. "Jake!" She moved forward and crouched down next to him. She cupped his face in her hands. "Jake? Wake up." Her fingers traced the markings of a large bruise on the side of his head.

"Wha-?"

"Jake? What happened?"

He blinked, trying to clear his double vision. "Cassie?"

"Yes. What happened?"

Jake shook his head, as one hand moved up to his throat. "Rachel hit me. I think she's lost it." He blinked again.

"Where is she now?"

"I…think she is going to kill herself. We've got to find her."

"Yeah, I know." Cassie kissed the large purple bruise on his forehead. "Come on. We need to talk to the others. One morph and that nasty lump will be gone."

"No Cass. I don't believe that it will ever be really gone." He gripped her arm, and she helped pull him to his feet. 

# Chapter 12

** **

Rachel took a deep breath. This was it. No turning back now. The Sharing's building loomed up in front of her. Well, at least I'll die with the knowledge that this place and all the Yeerks in it will be blown to hell. She smirked. Maybe I'll see them there. 

Her hand tightened around the knife's hilt, and she reached up to the handle before her. Little bells on the door chimed as she stepped through. At first glance, it was a comfortable looking lobby. The carpet was a gentle green, and the walls were a spotless white. A few plush chairs sat off to the right, but Rachel ignored, them. All of her focus was on the reception center ahead of her.

The secretary at the desk looked up and smiled. "Hello. Can I help you?"

Rachel took a few steps forward, keeping the knife behind her until she got close enough. "Actually, you can." She stepped up to the counter. "You can tell any of your Yeerk friends you meet in the afterlife, that I'll be along shortly." With that, she brought the knife swinging around. The woman tried to scream, but the blade caught her throat, and she tumbled backwards off of her chair. 

The Animorph smiled. Looking over the counter Rachel pressed the button that buzzed the door open. This was enemy territory. Careful. She had to be careful. Tobias was waiting, but she wanted to get as many as possible. She reached up to brush a stray hair back from her face. The hall beyond the buzz door was long with rooms shooting off in either direction. The first few were really large conference size rooms with arcade games and pool tables, and comfortable couches and chairs. As she approached a split in the hallway, she met a second Yeerk.

He jumped back in surprise. "Hey, where is your pass? You ne-" he never finished. Rachel stepped forward, and stabbed downward, the blade embedding itself in his chest. He started to sputter as his blood gushed over her hands. "That's for Tobias." She jerked the knife back, letting him fall to the floor. 

Rachel kept close to the wall, checking each room that she came across. The third Yeerk she killed, didn't even notice her. She just calmly stepped up behind him, and placed her bloody hand over his mouth. Jerking him back towards her she said, "You killed him. Bastard." And drew the knife across his throat. 

She smiled as more blood splashed onto her. It was exhilarating, the feel of the knife against their skin just before it cut, and their warm wet red blood. Rachel frowned. Is this normal? She looked down at her stained hands, and shook her head. She was having her revenge. That was all that mattered. Tobias was all that mattered. They would be together soon. 

Suddenly, the lights went dim and an alarm started to sound. Somebody had found the secretary at the entrance. They would be coming for her. They would have a surprise waiting for them. Her tongue snaked out over her lips. Oh they would have a surprise all right. 

Trotting down the hallway, Rachel started looking for security guards or Hork-Bajir. It was time. Time to die. As she turned a corner, three security guards met her face to face. Before she could bring her knife up, the guard closest to her grabbed her, trying to take her down to the ground. 

The second guard called into the radio attached to his uniform. "We've found a human, covered in blood, corridor 8"

There was static, and then from the two-way came a voice. "Copy that. Forces are on their way to assist." Rachel struggled as the third guard piled on top of her, trying to keep her down. She fought like a cat, kicking and punching, and biting with her one steel tooth. 

"Ahh!" One guard fell back, clutching his arm.

"Hold still, Girl!"

"Visser three is going to have some fun with this one!"

Rachel spat. "I am not a 'girl'. I already am more then you will ever be, Yeerk!"

"Garflsh nardik, can you not hold que Sar?" Rachel gritted her teeth as a full contingent of Hork-Bajir came into her line of sight. Now was the time. Rachel's hand slipped down to her belt. Here I come, Tobias. She turned the knob. 

# Epilogue

The Animorphs were all alone with their thoughts. Why didn't I stop her? Why couldn't we have been in time? How did we fail them so? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Cassie stepped forward, holding a small wrapped bundle in her hands. With shaking fingers she unlaced the ribbon, and carefully undid the tape at the edges. 

She took out a small black, velvet box, and a white piece of paper. When the box was opened, the gold ring sparkled in the sunlight. She unfolded the paper, and started to read. "I know that you probably can't use this. But I suppose that we should have matching rings." Her voice cracked, but she pushed on, "After all, we belong to each other, always. Let's show it. Love Rachel." Jake reached up to wipe his eyes as Cassie laid the shiny new ring next to a blackened, and misshapen one. Even though one of them was tarnished, it still seemed to glow brightly in the wintry air. 

# _You're the first to fight, _

# _You're way too loud, _

# _You're The flash of light, _

# _On a burial shroud, _

# _I know something's wrong_

Third Eye Blind- "Jumper"


End file.
